Idea for a Fractal Cosmos story: Vena's Tale

[Joao_Luz (João Luz)]

I have an idea for a story set in the Fractal Cosmos universe.

It’s set on Venus in the late 2090’s and revolves around a young girl (around 12 years old) named Vena, who later becomes the very first Vian in the Solar.

Vena is a cloud-lady from the floating city of Santo Adrião. She comes from a poor family which could not afford to genetically modify her at birth, so, when she was little she had trouble keeping up with the other children in her school, who frequently mocked her for being worse than them at everything. Incapable of seeing their daughter suffering like that, Vena’s parents gathered all their money and went to a clinic where they improved her intellectual and physicall skills through cybernetic means.

After that, Vena became as good as her classmates at almost everything, and better than them at some other things, but she didn’t win any friends. Cybernetic augmentation, despite not illegal, was repudiated by the cloud-lord society, which meant that Vena, despite not being seen as loser anymore, started being seen as a freak. But at least she could now be proud of herself.

Anyway, this is just backstory. Our actual story begins when Santo Adrião is visited by members of the K’phlor collective, which came to negotiate a trade agreement with the cloud-lords. As part of a prank, a group of youngsters decides to vandalize the communications system of one of the hell-creepers, ending up separating him from the collective.

Vena finds the damaged hell-creeper on the street and learns that he has been left behind by the other members of the collective (who dind’t even realize that he’d been disconnected). She takes care of that hell-creeper and gives him the name of Lor. They quickly become friends and Vena tries to teach him to live among the humans, but all what Lor wants is to return to his brothers on K’phor village.

Unable to repair his communication system, Vena opts for acompanying her friend to the surface and return him to the collective herself (she uploads her mind to a fitting body, of course). They suceed and, as a reward, the hell-creepers teach Vena about the V system, which she later introduces to her civilization.

I know I still have to work out a few details but, do you think this can be a good story? I’m thinking of writing a novella and sending it to a sci-fi maganize to see if they publish it.

[Radivis (Michael Hrenka)]

The overall story idea is quite lovely and reminds me of the more interesting stories in the Star Trek and Stargate SG-1 universes. There are some details which may need some deeper thinking:

She comes from a poor family which could not afford to genetically modify her at birth

Is it reasonable to expect this kind of poverty in the 2080s on the Venus colonies? After all, genetic enhancements should probably be trivial by the 2080s. But perhaps it’s a question of degree and the best enhancements are only available to those with a lot of resources / reputation. However, the 2080 should see solid digital abundance, with the information about the best genetic enhancements available to everyone. The Second Cold War is over and the economy should be pretty damn good, even on Venus.

Instead, it might be more interesting to say that Vena had some experimental enhancements which didn’t turn out to work the way they were intended to. However, they may have some subtle effects which are beneficial to Vena in the end.

Vena’s parents gathered all their money and went to a clinic where they improved her intellectual and physicall skills through cybernetic means.

Yeah, that seems pretty plausible.

Our actual story begins when Santo Adrião is visited by members of the K’phlor collective, which came to negotiate a trade agreement with the cloud-lords.

Why would the collectives send delegates? Has it something to do with unreliable communications, or is it a cultural thing with people preferring to negotiate “face to face”?

Vena finds the damaged hell-creeper on the street and learns that he has been left behind by the other members of the collective (who dind’t even realize that he’d been disconnected).

Two things: First of all, the hell creepers would probably notice that one of them has been disconnected and wanted them back. They might however decide not to take the matter too seriously out of fear that this would turn into a diplomatic conflict which could ruin trade relations with the cloud lords.

Second, the cloud lords would probably want to find out how the hell creeper technology works exactly by literally taking them apart. However, they might also be afraid that that would be seen as barbaric act and make trade relations worse.

She takes care of that hell-creeper and gives him the name of Lor. They quickly become friends and Vena tries to teach him to live among the humans, but all what Lor wants is to return to his brothers on K’phor village.

That’s both cute and plausible

Unable to repair his communication system, Vena opts for acompanying her friend to the surface and return him to the collective herself (she uploads her mind to a fitting body, of course). They suceed and, as a reward, the hell-creepers teach Vena about the V system, which she later introduces to her civilization.

That’s a very cool idea. Nevertheless, the hell creepers wouldn’t think this is such a big deal, unless they interpret it as diplomatic windfall in which case they would indeed be inclined to reciprocate in some way, and they just happen to think that the knowledge about system V would demonstrate their own gratitude and respect.

I know I still have to work out a few details but, do you think this can be a good story?

Yes, it’s a really lovely story. I like it!

I’m thinking of writing a novella and sending it to a sci-fi maganize to see if they publish it.

That would be really awesome!

[Joao_Luz (João Luz)]

Thanks for giving your opinion.

Is it reasonable to expect this kind of poverty in the 2080s on the Venus colonies? After all, genetic enhancements should probably be trivial by the 2080s. But perhaps it’s a question of degree and the best enhancements are only available to those with a lot of resources / reputation. However, the 2080 should see solid digital abundance, with the information about the best genetic enhancements available to everyone. The Second Cold War is over and the economy should be pretty damn good, even on Venus.

Instead, it might be more interesting to say that Vena had some experimental enhancements which didn’t turn out to work the way they were intended to. However, they may have some subtle effects which are beneficial to Vena in the end.

What if Vena came from an abusive primitivist family and was later adopted by a more caring and progressive one? That would also be interesting.

Why would the collectives send delegates? Has it something to do with unreliable communications, or is it a cultural thing with people preferring to negotiate “face to face”?

The preference to negotiate face to face sounds like a plausible reason.

First of all, the hell creepers would probably notice that one of them has been disconnected and wanted them back.

Yeah, you’re probably right.

They might however decide not to take the matter too seriously out of fear that this would turn into a diplomatic conflict which could ruin trade relations with the cloud lords.

I was thinking that maybe the negotiations could crash and the hell-creepers could be force out of the city. They’d still want Lor back but they wouldn’t give much importance to that because he was just an individual now. They would certainly not risk making a complicated diplomatic situation even more complicated.

the hell creepers wouldn’t think this is such a big deal, unless they interpret it as diplomatic windfall in which case they would indeed be inclined to reciprocate in some way, and they just happen to think that the knowledge about system V would demonstrate their own gratitude and respect.

Yeah, since cloud-lords and hell-creepers don’t usually work together the K’phlor collective (which, being the collective that first came up with V, would be mostly peacefull and progressive) would probably see Vena’s actions as a proof that the cloud-lords weren’t all bad and that they all could live in peace.