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A question of trust


Ok, i decided to open a thread today about personal developement.

I think one of the most important skills you need to develope to archieve happiness is believing in there is light at the end of the tunnel and all your efforts will result in something desirable, even though you might not know what this could be. Even though it might seem irrational to believe in that everything will become somehow good, i think it is safe to say that being too rational - and therfor too pessimistic - can kill your motivation to carry on through tough times.

Also it is possible, that all these “rational arguments” in your head about the uselessness of your efforts just dont see the whole picture and therfor missing something.

So sometimes you need to decide just to “follow your heart”, and therfor trusting blindly in the future.

Also it might be unwise to complain all the times about things that are happening to you, because normally it will just increase your anger and bitterness instead of giving you hope. i know its hard, im complainig to myself 100 times a day, but normally it doesnt help my motivation.

(Michael Hrenka) #2

Yes, I agree completely with your statement here. I call this the principle of hope. Hope for a better outcome in the absolute foundation for any self-development. Even if you lose anything else, but retain your hope, you can get out of any crisis. If you lose your hope in such a situation, you’ll get crushed and aren’t far removed from being dead.

Hope is what lets us persevere and face challenges we have no idea how to overcome them. Hope is the thought that you may win eventually, despite all the evidence that seems to point to the opposite.

Right. As fallible humans, our rationality is fallible, too. When we think we are particularly smart and rational, chances are that we are actually particularly stupid and deluded. That’s part of being human.

Yes, complaining is rarely helpful. Yet, if you complain to the right people about the right things in the right way, it may serve a useful purpose. And that’s the case, if you can convince others that they have made mistakes that made your live unnecessarily hard.

Retaining a positive, hopeful, and constructive attitude is they key the improving your situation.


yes, i think its also a function of our mind, that we want to archieve all these things like harmony, freedom etc and we might have to make ourself believe that this will happen, if we continue on our path.

that is an important point. if i am angry or sore i am bad in my decisionmakeing, but i dont notice that while i am makeing these decisions.

another point is even if our arguments are totaly plausible, they might not know about all the possibilities. for example sure, i might never make a career, but maybe there are other ways to archieve happiness without haveing a big car in the garage, i just cant see them yet, because my imagination is limited to things i already know.

haha i often fail somehow to find the right people to complain too :slight_smile:

but yes, complaining isnt always bad if it will result in a behaviour change. if you are complaining to yourself about other peoples actions however, this is unlikely to happen, i noticed.


I had a breakthrough recently on this very topic. I was struggling with a wavering trust (could also call it hope) and was trying to understand just what makes it waver. I had eaten some meat (at a restaurant!) that was slightly smelly in a not nice way, which I unfortunately only noticed after swallowing some of it and was struggling with the fears it triggered in me. Especially since I ended up researching about food poisoning.

Anyway, I was close to unable to concentrate on anything much and my intuition kept telling me that there must be a way to view the situation that doesn’t practically paralyze me with fear. Eventually it dawned on me that the problem was that I was collating two different kinds of trust together that don’t need to be linked. One of them was the trust that I’d be fine, which rationally speaking, couldn’t be guaranteed in that situation and the other one turned out to be the trust that I could accept myself and the world.

The problem was that I was refusing to accept the world (and thus myself) where I’d get sick (with the potential for severe problems if unlucky) from eating that meat. Yet, the rational part of myself kept insisting that it’s a potential outcome, which ended up using most of my mental resources in the conflict.

Once I realized that, I was able to accept the possibility and thus the internal conflict dissipated. The refusal to accept was kind of a circular construct in that it was itself somehow the argument for not accepting. As in I can’t accept it because it’ll lead to me not accepting it which I is too horrible to accept.

Anyway, what I want to say here, is that the rational arguments are probably not the problem here but rather that you can’t accept yourself and/or the world if what you’re afraid of comes to pass. So, the key, for me, was that I don’t need to trust in the future. I just need to trust that I will accept myself and the world, whatever it is that comes at me.

P.S. I did get some very slight stomach problems a few days after the event, but it’s unclear whether they were caused by the meat or just the stress from the fear.


but isnt accepting any possible outcome the same as trusting the future?

anyway, the point was that haveing some kind of positive believe seems nessasary.


Sort of, but when put this way, the rational pessimism, even if correct, has no way to affect this trust.

Even if the expected future were your own death, it’s no longer paralyzing when you stop using it as an excuse to not accept yourself anymore.

(Colin Berry) #7

Am I to believe that there is still hope for us.

My plea, I don’t really know which area would you classify it in. We went shopping at Costco’s 8 washing machine was stacked on the highest wrecking reaching up to 30 feet, they fell apart, 2 washing machines hit my wife causing her a brain injury and fractured three vertebrae.

I wanted to take the case to court, but my solicitors would not have it, they called in an official solicitor to take the position of my wife and ended the case, as if we did not exist. since then my wife has been extremely ill and have taken all my time, I do not have a minute to myself. our barrister told me the money is there in court funds, take it or leave it, and we have never heard from them again. When we went to the office of Court funds, they told us they could not talk about it, and send us on our way.

My wife have been extremely ill, I was going through post-traumatic stress disorder at the time, was brought on through the shock of believing that my wife was dying, she was thrown 10 ft away out of my arms lying there with blood pouring out of her mouth, I was trembling for weeks every time I thought of it.

I wanted to know can they treat the both of us like that, as if we do not exist. Because we were both extremely ill at the time, and now I have to care for my wife not being able to leave her alone for a minute.

(Colin Berry) #8

Can anyone understand the logic of British law.