Are you kidding? 
Apart from some typos and a few questionable details in the hacking fight, this story is great! I am actually very pleasantly surprised that you managed to write such a compelling story. The prequel was absolutely beautiful! 
And there were so many “hell yeah!” moments in the first chapter that is was a real joy to read. 
You’ve got some serious talent, Sir! Hone it, and your stories will be loved by those who have any interest in transhuman futures.
Now the most important question is: How does the story continue? 